Strive for F's not A's in Life

Often times society and culture tells us that we are the most important thing in our life, and in order to be successful and get what we want then we need to be the best at whatever we do. While this sounds well-meaning and sensible, I'm challenging that idea (at least a bit).

Foundational Belief System of A's

While I was growing up, only A’s and a very rare B — like only on special occasions, like only if the moon & stars aligned that week, or like maybe only if Momma won the lottery — were acceptable in my house. An “F”…don’t even whisper that 4-letter grade! Failing was not an option…it didn’t even exist in the realm of any kind of potential possibility. Period. And, while this created in me a deep desire to “quote unquote” succeed, it also fueled a fear and fostered an unhealthy focus on all the wrong kind of A’s. My self-worth was strictly tied to A’s. My curiosity was limited by the likelihood of achieving A’s. My belief system revolved around maintaining an A-average.

Looking back, I’m not completely dismissive of the positive power that A's had in my life. However, through more mature eyes and a grateful heart, I embrace my journey of becoming an F-student in life. Here’s what I mean by “Striving for F’s not A’s” to truly achieve success in life...

Now for those of you who might still think I’m talking about exam grades when referencing A’s and F’s…I’m not. Let me begin with defining my meaning of the letter A. The A’s that overwhelmed a majority of my existence — and perhaps the same is true for some of you — are Acceptance, Aspiration and Accomplishment.

Acceptance - from the world

Much like that letter grade on an exam or report card defined my academic prowess, receiving an A (Acceptance) from the world defined my self-worth. It quite literally “defined” me. If I was Accepted by others, then I was good. If I was rejected, then I must be bad. If I was Accepted, then I was pretty or smart or fun…if not, then I was ugly or dumb or boring. This was the #1 “A” I sought to achieve throughout all of my formative years and well into my late 30s. It never dawned on me that most of the world, like me, was also looking for acceptance in all the wrong places and faces…looking out instead of up.

Aspiration - for myself

In order to gain the Acceptance I so graved, I needed to Aspire to things for me, myself and I. How could I make myself “better” (prettier, smarter, funner - um, you know what I mean)? And if I took the time to pray, I was my own intended recipient of the requested blessings. It’s not that I didn’t care about anyone else, and I certainly wouldn't step-on or -over someone to benefit me. It’s just that I was much more focused on what I needed than on how I could help others.

Accomplishment - from within myself

So, like a bad building block of A’s, in order to gain the Acceptance I so graved, and achieve the Aspirations I’d set for myself, I looked solely within myself to Accomplish my goals. My fear of failure not only hindered my curiosities at times, but it also excluded the possibility of asking for help from others. I tended to sway towards individual competitions (like Speech & Drama), this way not only did I not have the possibility of letting someone else down but also so that they couldn’t hold me back. I looked inwardly and solely counted on my own gifts, never considering that the One who made me is also the One who gave me those gifts…that perhaps He knew how best to use them.

So now what...What changed?

Ok, so here I am, a middle-aged 50-yr old woman who recently retired from her 30+ year career in order to pursue a higher purpose. I quite literally “blew my life up” as I knew it — an Executive earning a multi-6-figure income, well-respected in my industry, working in a very supportive environment with a wonderful team — because I just didn’t feel fulfilled any longer. Who does that?!!? And, who does that during the onslaught of a major recession?!!? (Did I mention that some of my life-choices may not exactly be Mensa-worthy!) Well, I’m actually very pleased to say that THIS one is…. I’ve decided to seek F’s as my grade for a successful life!

As it says in Matthew 7:7 — Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. Hmmm… I can imagine there are some of you clearly trying to figure out where the F’s are in that bible verse. Technically there is only one: “find”. But for me, there are three: Faith, Focus and Follow-through. “Now I know you’re not Mensa-material”…that’s probably what you're thinking — and you’d be correct of course — as those three verbs aren’t anywhere in the verse. Or are they? (And, did you catch that I defined the words specifically as “verbs”…)

Faith - is found in the verb "Ask"

Ask, and it shall be given you. At the forefront of my life today is my faith. It is what guides me and grounds me - when I get out of the way and let it. At my lowest point, during my marital separation and ultimate divorce, when I was at my absolute wit’s end, I remember throwing my hands in the air and yelling (quite literally screaming) up to God, “Fine, if you think you can do any better, then I give it all to you. I’m done!” My life changed for the better almost overnight, but that’s a story for another time and another talk. Recently, when contemplating “blowing up my life”, I found such comfort in turning to God for guidance instead of stubbornly relying on my own inward ideas. After all, it was Him pulling on my heart to make a change, to pursue a different passion, to trust that He has the best in mind for me (for us all) and that He knows the best path. So instead of looking to the world for Acceptance (and guidance), I lean into my Faith.

Focus - is found in the verb "Seek"

Seek, and ye shall find. We’ve all heard the adage “it’s not the destination but the journey”, but how many of us actually take it to heart and live it out loud. I know for certain that I have not done so for the vast majority of my life. Instead, I chased the “A’s”…the grade on my life to prove that I was successful and worthy. Now I’m learning to seek my A’s (my Aspirations) in and through Christ and His teachings. Namely, Matthew 22:39: And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. And, as I’ve already established, most of my life has been spent “loving thyself” so I guess I’m being called to give quite a bit back to my neighborhood! And I’m now focused on this seeking journey of discovering how to give back to others in an impactful way.

Follow-through - is found in the verb "Knock"

Knock, and it shall be opened unto you. It’s all good and well to believe in a higher power and search for guidance, but if you never take any action then what’s the point? How many times have you sought out a trusted advisor, asked for their sage advice, but then failed to heed it? ***Short side-story: my father once exasperatedly extorted to his youngest teenage daughter (that’s me) “Will you please stop asking for my opinion if you’re never going to take it!” At the time I thought, “Whatevs, just cuz I asked doesn’t mean I have to take your advice”, which is true but naive. My father clearly had more knowledge than me and I know he loved me dearly so he really only wanted the best for me. What I mistakenly perceived as my independence made me stubborn, and ultimately I had to learn far too many things the hard way. Sound familiar? Ok, back to the main point…*** Ultimately, having Faith (trust) to Ask for guidance or help, and then the Focus to Seek a way forward, is really all mute if you’re not going to Follow-through. Go on, Knock and take action.

In Conclusion...

To wrap this up, anyone who knows me knows that I’m competitive. So, to say that I no longer want to get “A’s” in life - you know, the literal metaphorical kind of grade - would be a false statement. However, I’ve come to recognize that “F’s” are my new “A’s”. Through Faith, Focus and Follow-through I am pursuing a passion to touch the hearts, minds and souls of those around me…to help them enjoy impactful, fulfilling, successful lives.

I guess everything we needed to know about how to produce a positive impact in the world goes back to grade school when we learned the Golden Rule (Matthew 7:12), So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you. Join me--let’s go out and make the world a better place… Strive for F’s!